theCARO says..

i have my moments

2009-05-03T20:50:00.001-10:00

i feel like such a wreck right now. damn feelings!!!

out of body experience..?

2009-04-26T19:49:00.002-10:00

i dont know why but i feel like im just going through the motions. maybe ill feel this way until im actually where i WANT to be..where i NEED to be. i cant shine here, nothing 'greater' is here for me. not now anyways. need to hustle hard and make shit happen! *sigh* still, it sucks to feel like im just going through the motions. all these amazing things are happening to my me and those in my 'circle' and in just about a months time! its a siiiggggnnnn!! looks like within the next 2-3 years we will be fancy nancys, weirdos, dysfuncfam in c-a-l-i...how exciting. after ca maybe NYC!! damn that would be soooo fucking crazzyy!!!!! <3 a girl can dream. go big or go home. =D

smiles in twilight

2009-04-20T16:52:00.002-10:00

as much as i didnt want to, i just HAD to see what the hype was about. caved last week and started to read the twilight series. finished all four books in a week. scary right?! the first two were nothing memorable, but the third and fourth i couldnt put down!! i read the last two in the span of a day and a half. WTF right?! i have to admit though that they are very well written and easy to read. i can see why everyones so crazy about it. I however am NOT a twilight fanatic!! there were moments though that made me want to die die die. im such a softy for lovey dovey crap. ugh!

got a call from an alien in the middle of the day..i could HEAR the smile in his voice. when good things happen to good deserving people it makes me soo genuinely happy. even more so when it happens to aliens =) i was in awe though to receive the call to share such good news with me. i am scared to admit, but i am preparing myself for the possibility that one day it could all be gone. maybe the realization will hit like a ton of bricks and the extra terrestrial will just...be over it. *sigh* always the worry wort. in any case im super happy for the e.t. and for myself. whatever happens, happens. i have high hopes and positive thoughts regardless of my over-analyzing ways. =)

fuel to the fire

2009-04-18T19:25:00.002-10:00

so this grand plan i have.. i thought it would take much longer due to the fact that i want to be doing what i do now, where ever i may go. BUT silly me, in all my haste to "get the facts" i misread and didnt get the facts. turns out its easier than i thought for an out of state licensed person to apply for the exam/licensing. i just about went into a hyperventilating fit just now after getting my facts straight. OMFG. have you any idea what this means?!?!? the ONLY big thing holding me back now is money. *sigh* back to reality. money is the BIGGGGEEESSSTTTT and most important part of this whole equation. money. just have to hustle harder i guess =) im so determined. funny how through the toughest of times, there is still a glimmer of hope. a light at the end of the tunnel.

i feel so grateful to you, for being brave (or stupid) enough to let me go..i am alive again. sucks for you (maybe) but i wouldve found myself eventually....I AM ALIVE AGAIN. looking back on all those years i was just a shell. living in constant worry-what if, what if. never again will i have that problem. i am me. love me or leave me. plain and simple :) the end was the best thing that happened to me thus far. thanks for that.

i am struggling so much right now in different aspects of life, but i couldnt be happier. i have the support and love of some amazing people, and a strong sense of self. i have never been happier. i am SO ready for whatever life has coming my way. how exciting.

struggles and sweet taste of success

2009-04-15T07:44:00.002-10:00

i believe that anything worthwhile in life, doesnt come easy. you have to work at it, work for it, work to keep it.. struggle is a part of life and it helps to build character, make you a stronger person, keep you grounded, whatever. i am definitely at this crossroad in my life. i have never had so much inner conflict, or financial struggles before. its stressful and a downer, but i welcome it openly. i know at at the end of this i will be a better person and in a better place (both literally and figuratively). i have a 'thing' that i could not be happier to have. its really helping me to keep my head up. its also a big help that i have the support of some amazing friends. go big or go home, you know how i do...struggle now, persevere, and enjoy the fruits of my labor later. i am so excited. big things are coming my way, or more so i am making big things happen!! smile. be grateful. visualize. have expectations. i am doing all of them! aliens and nancys are so amazing..i..am..so..blessed..

bittersweet reality

2009-04-08T08:45:00.003-10:00

the past 5 days have been soooooo crazy!! it was probably the most fun i've had in 5 consecutive days. i knew it would be fun, but my vacation truly surpassed any expectations i might have had.

heres a breakdown (or what i can remember..madness i tell you)

day one:
-arrive at LAX in the afternoon, baggage claim took fucking FOREVER
-hellos and drive to aliens house
-hellos again, shot, and walk to get beeer
-dinner and sake bombs at gyukaku
-over to chinatown for drinking, crazy good music, and tons of DANCING! =D
-had fun..hehe

day two:
-start the day with patron shots..
-yummy mexican food for a bday lunch with a gajillion people
-nappy fun time
-'neon' themed bday party..writing and getting written with hilighters
-back to the house for VODKA!!!!!! drunken ipod chillin, and dancing....!!
-passed out secret ninja style with the trash can next to me

day three:
-lazy lazy sunday..
-went all over..beach, mall, pier
-watched russell peters soooooo funny!!
-went to RA got drunk yet again..kirins, and jager bombs..crown and pine? cant rememeber
-sleepy fun time

day four:
-fun morning
-buffalo exhange, stussy, undefeated, beverly center..
-crazy crazy 15minutes of madness at trader joes
-super secret fun
-anaheim fun, broken glass, beer on balls..passed out people. LOL

day five:
-'hawaiian' breakfast
-PS I LOVE YOU
-unstable virgo time..

then came the hard part.. getting on the plane to come back "home" this trip really changed me. well idk if i can say it CHANGED me, or just validated my feelings of hawaii not being "right" for me, for now... i think maybe everyone who even remotely knows me can kind of see that... i am determined to make it on my own, away from here. go big or go home, thats how i do.. watch out world, here i come!!

inspiration and life..

2009-03-21T23:18:00.003-10:00

a little backstory on my tattoos...

my back piece is ume blossoms done in sumi-e style. in japan ume blossoms bloom during the harshest seasons (winter/spring). this has immense significance for me and my ALWAYS wanting something as a constant reminder that life is short, live life to its fullest, dont give up. the ume blossoms blooming through the roughest seasons serves as a reminder to me that even when times are tough..they will get better and i can make it through the storm. =) yeah ok they look like sakura and sakura signifies "short life" so i guess the meaning is the same.. life is short, live it up, yadda yadda. only 3 people have KNOWN that my back was ume blossoms, and not cherry blossoms.. one was a young fellow who was studying art at UH and had some extensive knowledge in asian art AND tattoos, and the other two were little old japanese ladies who LOVED my art-i always find it so strange that little old ladies love my tattoo..its kind of refreshing though.....

the newest addition is on my side (ribs) of a koi with a banner that has the quote "do not fear death, fear the unlived life". the koi represents perseverance through adversity in life. (koi swim UPSTREAM). the quote is self explanatory. i feel it brings the two pieces together, but more than that i feel its very fitting for this "post" chapter in my life. ive said this before, but i feel more myself than i have ever felt before. i am finally free to be me. no longer will i live in 'fear'. life is gooooood. and when those times come, i will look to myself for the fire to keep on keeping on. hahahha. =]

profound insight..

2009-03-20T21:08:00.002-10:00

most of what i post are just random randomness and i dont really share anything really personal or 'deep'. . . dont underestimate me. for those who really KNOW me, you will know that i have very profound thoughts and can give some damn good advice. sure i am loud and crazy, but i am also a quiet observer.. i am truly an anomaly. so dont think that because i just post random shit about my day and what not that i am just 'another girl'. when the time is right, or when the mood strikes, i might just bust some shit that will blow your mind. until then enjoy my random thoughts, fuck you and have a nice day. =D

spontaneity and vacations go hand in hand..?

2009-03-16T23:28:00.002-10:00

last thursday was a super crazy day for me! went in to see billy for my 'side rib piece' not hairpiece like some have been thinking..?? but new tattooooo!! popped a vic but that shit was still fucking sore!! he banged out the outline in just over an hour. the vic helped take some of the edge off but i was still very much in pain, and very tense! booked a flight on hawaiian for april 3rd. .. craziest shit ever but im super excited!! last time i went on a VACATION was like four years ago! thats too long to go without a vacation!! i mean yeah ok i went to maui and big isle last year a few times, but it was for work and i didnt even have any time to relax/play! im super looking forward to this spontaneous vacation... =D still smitten kitten in a mitten snug as a bug in a rug status.. haha......

smitten kitten snug as a bug in a rug

2009-03-10T01:36:00.002-10:00

its been awhile..i guess fun shit has happened to me..

-on the floor now *super fucking stoked*

-in the works of planning a vacation for later this year...

-getting new work done on thursday after having my appointment rescheduled 2 weeks ago

-got a new piercing which i absolutely LOVE

-bought a ton of new shit that i SOOOOO DO NOT need but LOVE LOVE LOVE

-*smitten* best feeling in the world!

VDs and valentines day

2009-02-15T12:15:00.002-10:00

so another valentines VD day (hahaha) has come and gone. last night was by far one of theeee best valentines day celebrations everrr!! it was one filled with delicious food, FRIENDS, lots of drinks, and dancing!!!!!!! went to alan wongs (my fav for 'occassions') with the kengma for dinner and met up with the K's and kengs friends at bar 35 for drinks. i saw my cousin there which was a big surprise bc 1) i never go out 2) she said she hasnt been going out, anyways it was a nice surprise =) we went dancing after and OMFG i havent danced that HARD or that much since back in the..'party' days. it was sooo much fun and so worth my toes being sore from dancing around in pointy pumps! haha. when i woke up i still felt a little drunk!! it was an expensive night last night. haha and today im going to the bookstore and im sooo stoked! i have to control myself while there and not buy 9238902302 books bc this is an expensive month for me!! less than two weeks now til my first sitting for my new piece. whooo. im excited! im so all over the place....idk how my friends can keep up with me. =P

day off adventures!

2009-02-08T22:40:00.003-10:00

finally had a day off today and it was such a nice one! i shouldve gone in to do my hair since its super faded and grown out, but i took advantage of a FULL day off and napped instead. haha. it was sooooo nice though! totally worth having to wait an extra week to do my hair. went to the bank, was able to get my weekly jasmine green milk tea, and went shopping with the emK's. haha!!! we did the rounds in waikiki-american apparel, volcom, and pineapple county. on a side note i feel like volcom stuff got cheaper or something? i dont mean quality or looks wise, but the actual cost. i swear it was more costly before?? idk, but 3 out of 4 of us bought stuff from volcom. kamaaina baby!! whoooo!! haha. ate at genki and had some good laughs! satura cakes for desert, and we even got a "hip hop rhyme" from a guy who was "very good at rapping" LOL funniest shit ever!!! love my emK's. i hope i will be able to have a FULL day off on thursday..we'll see though. OOOOHHHHHH and i expressed a hidden thought today..haha lets see what comes of it. i also realized that im addicted to facebook. i should take the app off my phone or something.... arrrggg!!

wtf's and excitement..

2009-02-04T20:03:00.002-10:00

i cant believe its already february! time flies by so fast its crazy. this is an expensive but very exciting month for me! getting new work done, and get to eat at my most favorite place!! waited months for my appointment with billy and its just four weeks away!!!! whooooo. im super stoked..cant wait for the pain and the high. haha.

i guess its inevitible, but i find myself going back and forth. so much has changed now i wonder if it would be the same? hmm. i guess some things will always leave you wondering.

to you: get a life. YOUR OWN LIFE. grow up and stop trying so damn hard. fake-ass-ness is temporary.. REAL-ness is forever.

birthdays and bruises

2008-11-22T19:57:00.002-10:00

yesterday was keng's 23rd birthday and we celebrated by going to 39hotel. it was fun even tough i was falling asleep!! haha. sucks to be "old" like meeee!!! im such a fuckin granny!! i started the night off bad though.. while stepping out of the shower after work, i fully ate shit and the side of my leg in between my shin and calf landed square on the corner of a child gate thing (we use it to put in front of the shower because lucky always jumps in and hangs out in there) and it swelled and got really hard. bleh....................................

hello and goodbye!

2008-11-13T18:23:00.002-10:00

my first post. yay!! today i ate lunch at harbor court bistro [i was looking forward to eating here since they opened] OMG what a disappointment! :( they didnt have half the things on their menu or any of their homemade flavored waters. the dish i ordered they didnt have. my 2nd choice they didnt have. when i finally picked a spinich and mandarin orange salad and crab cakes they brought out my salad with no oranges. when i asked the waiter if there were supposed to be oranges, he said he didnt know! wtf. he goes and checks and it turns out they were out of oranges!! our waiter fucking sucked, the food took forever to come out, and our water glasses were empty!!!!! horrible. i shouldve gone to pineapple room instead! pineapple room always has excellent service, and delicious yummy food!! *sigh* next time i wont try a new place unless someone with good taste has been there first.